


Feelings

by Marrilyn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Confessions, Curious Dean, Curious Dean Winchester, Eavesdropping, Emotions, F/F, Feelings, Feels, Happy, Love Confessions, Sappy, Sappy Reader, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-13 07:08:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12978744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marrilyn/pseuds/Marrilyn
Summary: Rowena overhears reader telling Sam and Dean why she chose her over them.





	Feelings

Rowena wasn't known for her altruism, but when it came to Sam and Dean Winchester, she was more than willing to lend a hand. She would never admit it out loud, but over the years she'd developed a certain fondness for the lads. It was an emotion too distant to refer to them as friends, and at the same time too close to call them enemies. 

At the end of the day, even without feelings she couldn't – or, as anyone who knew Rowena could tell, didn't  _want to_  – understand, helping the Winchesters came with certain perks in the form of favors. 

A witch living a dangerous life could never turn away a chance of two notorious hunters owing her a favor or two. 

You kept trying to discourage her, telling her that getting involved with them would bring her nothing but trouble. Which had, more often than not, turned out to be true. But, stubborn as she was, Rowena never listened. 

If not for the unexplained feelings or juicy favors, there was still the adventure factor. Rowena was a creature of movement, preferring to travel rather than hang around one place for long periods of time. She loved you more than she wished to admit and finding a home with you was wonderful, but a part of her still craved that freedom traveling brought. 

If helping the Winchester from time to time sated that hunger, so be it. 

The case had been a difficult one, requiring assistance for a few days, and the brothers had given the two of you a room in the bunker. Rowena wasn't too fond of the place – being chained up in the dungeon tends to do that to a person – but she wisely kept her mouth shut. 

The room was nice enough, even though it was far from the opulent hotel rooms she used to frequent. It was small and old, but clean, and a part of Rowena felt at home. Perhaps because the rooms at your home were similar. 

Rummaging through one of her bags, she dug up an old grimoire and headed down. You were waiting for her in the library with the Winchesters, helping them go through old books and journals in search of clues, while Rowena went to pick up her own. She was about to make her presence known, itching to utter a sassy remark, when her ears picked up on the conversation at hand. 

"You're seriously asking why I chose her?" you said incredulously. 

Hiding behind the wall, Rowena snuck a peek. 

"You were a decent hunter. You had friends. You had  _us._  Why'd you throw that all away to become a witch?" Dean asked, genuinely curious. 

"You don't get it," you said with a scoff. 

"Help me get it, then," the elder Winchester said. 

You sighed. "Before Rowena, I had nothing. I sucked at hunting. The only reason I hunted was so I could practice my magic, but I sucked at that, too. Those friends you speak of were other hunters who only tolerated me 'cause they didn't wanna be rude. And you… I only ever saw you guys when you needed something from me, or when I needed something from you. That wasn't friendship. It was a symbiosis." 

You took a breath before continuing. 

"Rowena was the only one who seemed interested in me. I knew it was for my power at first, but I needed someone to believe in me, someone to tell me I'm special. And she did. I didn't become a witch because I chose her. I've been a witch my entire life. Rowena just taught me how to  _be_  one. We've had our ups and downs, but she's always been here, you know? She never left. She kept every promise she made. Still does. When I'm with her, I feel alive. I don't have to hide who I am anymore. She lets me be me. And she's always there when I need her. And she's so good to me, and always makes me laugh when I'm down. She puts me first. No one's ever put me first before." 

Your lips curled into a sweet smile at the same time as Rowena's heart skipped a beat, melting with warmth and love. She knew you loved her, but it had never occurred to her to what extent. 

"I know you guys find it hard to believe, but Rowena is a sweetheart. Her laugh makes me laugh. And when she smiles, it's… I can't explain it. She has such a beautiful smile! Lately, she's been smiling more than she used to. And somehow, when I see her happy, I feel happier, too." 

Sam shot you a smile. "You love her." 

You nodded. "I do. She's changed me for the better. And I think I've changed her, too. If I were to go back in time, I'd make the same choice again. Not just for me, but for her, as well." 

"Didn't really think of it that way," Dean admitted. 

"Most people don't," you said. "Everyone thinks she's some heartless witch bitch. No one wants to give her a chance to prove otherwise. I'm glad  _I_  did." You looked up at them. "Why don't you?" 

They each uttered a response, but Rowena couldn't hear a word, heart pounding wildly in her chest like drums pounding in her ears. Pride she was known for vanished from her face, features forming a look of pain – the kind that hurt lovingly, coming straight from the heart. Tears welled up in her eyes, a few rolling down her cheeks. 

You'd put it into words. Every emotion Rowena could never get herself to recognize, you'd verbalized without a second thought. You didn't care if the brothers thought you weak or laughed at your display of emotion. You felt and you let it out. 

For her. 

And for the first time in centuries, Rowena wept for one emotion she'd been running from her entire life: love. 

**Author's Note:**

> Edited by OswinTheStrange.
> 
> [Click here to read the sequel](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12995646/).


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